You won't feel upbeat all the time ... and that's ok

I know. My last post was about how one should choose to flourish in Denmark, well any country that isn't 'home', as long as one applied a positive attitude. I still mean that. However even though I do maintain that having a positive attitude will get you further than fuelling negativity, even positive people like myself will get moments of feeling a little lost and sometimes a little hopeless. It doesn't mean that I'm going to give up - that's not in my vocabulary for one thing - but it is ok to have these feelings as you can use them to spur you on.

Even though my last post is less than a week old, I have been feeling pinches of uncertainty since I was on my flying visit to the UK four weeks ago. I'm sure that many can relate to feeling like you just don't quite belong back home. I guess I found myself in limbo. Although I'm happy in Copenhagen it's still very much 'belongs' to my fiancé; however when I was in London I didn't feel at home either, I'm not certain on the reason why but probably a lot to do with the fact that I don't have a base there anymore. I was very much London's guest.

I was inspired to write this post early this morning - I'm talking 3.30am early due to my inconsiderate overboer inviting their noisy drunk friends back to their place to carry on drinking above our heads - I couldn't sleep so I looked at the time on my phone and, because I couldn't sleep, I checked all manner of social media for an hour. Including LinkedIn. One of my former colleagues, who I think very highly of indeed, had changed her title. She has been promoted. In fact, three of them have. When I left we were all on the same level. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy for her because she really deserves it. But, and I don't know whether this was due to me tired and emotionally strung due to the inconsiderate neighbours,it reminded me that despite all my determination to be employed within two months I had been well and truly left behind in the professional sense. Being awake too early has got to be the worst time for these sorts of thoughts as you have so much time to process them and hence, not go back to sleep. It's annoying. But it still irked me. And then the "ifs" came wading in. "If I'd stayed I probably would have been promoted too", "if I'd stayed then I'd still be in the 'marketing loop'", "if I'd stayed ... etc".

But would I be happy? I don't know. The last job (where three people have been promoted) I had I was in tears at home and in the office at least twice a week and that includes my last week there. Had I been promoted, there's a chance that would have meant even longer hours, more work from home after hours and more stress.
So am I seeing things through rose tinted glasses because I still haven't settled properly? Maybe. Probably. In fact, I know I am.
Do  I feel stupid that I haven't got a job yet? Stupid, no. Disappointed, yes. Frustrated, definitely. But it IS tough. The last place I called for feedback following yet another rejection told me that I had made it down to the final 15 out of a couple of hundred applications. I just didn't quite make it due to the tough competition. So it's not because I am unemployable.

The good thing is (there's that positive attitude!) that I am happier since leaving London. I have found my love of writing, I am keeping up to date with marketing tools by volunteering at an expat initiative and I am learning a new language - being bilingual is something I have wanted to do since I was 8 years old. And I'm fulfilling that. It's very easy to look at things we haven't got and get upset but it doesn't help if that's one's sole focus. However having a little weep from time to time is fine. It's normal. I am positive but that doesn't mean I walk around with a smile plastered on all the time. As long as you take action from it and remember why you made the move in the first place. When people, be they expats here, Danes or friends in UK, ask me how I'm finding Copenhagen I will answer honestly, and if I am feeling down about something when the question is posed I will, without fail, also tell them what I am doing in order to start turning the negativity around. I have written the two major worries I have when I have these moments of doubt. I hope that you will be able to gain something from them in some way.

The longer I am unemployed the longer people will think that I'm no longer current in marketing
I am still current in marketing. In fact, probably more up to date than I ever have been as I have more time to read articles, go to seminars and practice the skills. This blog is not only for blogging my experiences as an expat but also to keep my Google Analytics skills in check. As it turns out I have taught myself how to set 'goals' and enable Webmaster properties - there's something I didn't know when I was doing it for a living! Now I can get more indepth because it's my own website.

People are moving on and I feel like I have plateaued
I think about everything I have achieved since moving here. Ok, I haven't secured employment yet but due to my commitment to the language, I am at a stage with Danish now where I can understand the gist of most conversations and can now effectively have a proper conversation in another language. I am getting closer every day to fulfilling my dream of being bilingual. I have also lost 5kg since moving here as I naturally feel more healthy. I have progressed - just in a way I don't necessarily think of.

So, you see, it's not a bad thing to have moments of negativity and lack of self esteem. Just make sure you take action.


What do you think? Can you relate to anything from that massive stream of consciousness? What have been your worst moments and how did you overcome?

English expat in Denmark: Dealing With Homesickness

I think I was homesick before I even moved out of my flat. As you may know, I lived in East London during the 2012 Olympics. I could hear the drums and see the fireworks from my living room (see Hashtag Olympics for the pic). I had friends over. We ate pizza and we drank wine, cider, beer. We cheered, we laughed and I think a couple of us may have even cried - the ceremony was quite emotional, it was the first time in a while since any of us had felt any sense of patriotism. It was a good night.


For me, the emotion ran deeper than the natural high of the Olympic Ceremony. I knew that this would probably be the last time that we would have people over to our (albeit tiny) London flat. I knew that we were moving to Copenhagen in a matter of months and, as much as it was an exciting move, it was also a scary thing. As much as I complained about the flat, the rental costs, the attitude of the London commuter (that includes you, London cyclists), I really loved living there. When it came to a month beforehand we sold our furniture. I cried, without fail, every time a piece of furniture left the flat (Philip tells me that the most ridiculous thing I cried over was the £10 Argos shoerack bidding us farewell). Perhaps not all of you are as emotional as I am but moving abroad was, and still is, the biggest thing I have ever done. The furthest away I had lived from my family was just outside West London when they lived just outside East London. I have always been at least one hour by train to my friends. This was, and is, very different. If you are on the cusp of moving then you may well know these feelings. You may react differently - I'll be the first to admit that I'm more emotional than your average Joe - but you will start to notice things around you that you perhaps didn't before. If you've already moved then you're either nodding in agreement or rolling your eyes. I feel that there is no middle ground.

I won't go into the goodbyes and the like. Just know that they were emotional, all in their own way.

Prior to the move I had been to Copenhagen about six times. And I had loved it more and more each time. Once I made the move to Copenhagen it took me about six weeks, despite the constant job hunting, to properly realise that I wasn't on holiday. It hit me pretty hard at first - I was jobless, relying on Philip for money, I couldn't properly speak the language and I discovered a downside to social media where you see how all your friends who you left behind are still having the same life but without you in it. All sounds incredibly melodramatic, I know - I promise I wasn't thinking this deeply at the time, it's only now that I'm documenting it all that I can explain it as it was. Still, I had two choices.
1) I could keep on lamenting about not living in London, in my comfort zone, how I felt I would never make friends and make 'my own' Copenhagen. I could have complained about the job market and about how my friends would forget about me. I could have complained about the lack of Marmite and that it just wasn't England.
OR
2) I could embrace my new city with all it has to offer. I could appreciate the hell out of the fact that our friends live so close together. I could be happy with the fact that I will fulfill a long term dream of mine to be fluent in a second language. I could see every single inch of opportunity that lay before me. I could choose to see Copenhagen not as a pit of depression with everything missing but as a blank canvas that I could make into whatever I wanted.

Needless to say, I choose option 2. It is pointless heading for option 1. Why would you want to spend all your time in a country feeling miserable that it's not like home? Because of course it's not going to be like home - surely that is part of why you moved. But that is also part of the excitement of a move abroad - you can see new things, learn new things and meet new people. That is not to say I don't get homesick at all now because I do. But I know how to deal with it now. Other than what I have written in option 2, which is the attitude to adopt, here are my top tips for dealing with homesickness:

1) Email a friend. In detail. They'll love to receive a long email and you will also look forward to a long response back. It worked wonders for when Philip and I did long distance for a year (that is a whole other story which I will not bother you with)
2) Arrange Skype dates with friends and/or family. No need to expand on that one.
3) On your bike! If you have already moved here or are thinking of doing so you will already know that Denmark is one of THE most bike friendly places in the world. If you have a bike it's a great way to see the diversity of Copenhagen - the beach, the lakes, the city, the churches .. it's wonderful (see what I did there?). Exploring your new city and getting familiar with it will soon help you settle into your new home. If you don't have a bike then you can walk, particularly in Copenhagen.
4) Discover something new about the city that you like at least once a week and write it down or say it out loud to somebody. e.g. "I like living in Copenhagen because you can go out at 10pm and still take it easy"
5) Find events that are going on in the city. Or even take yourself out of the city. Check out Visit Denmark for your first port of call.
6) QI reruns. Ok, very specific to British expats but it is so useful for me. It's on most days on BBC Entertainment. They usually have loads of them on Sundays which is just perfect hangover television

Homesickness will happen to most, if not all, expats. It gets easier. And I'm writing this as somebody who still goes through it from time to time. Trust me.


(Saying all of the above though, I will ALWAYS miss Marmite) 




(Next in the series - The Danish Language. 14th February 2013)

Moving to Copenhagen, part 1: The (pre move) To Do List

So as you know I'm moving to Copenhagen with my fiancé at the end of October. Up until very recently it was just something that we were going to do eventually; however within the last month I have handed my notice in at work and we've booked our one way ticket on 25th October. It's all VERY real now. 2-and-a-bit months seems like a lot of time but there is a LOT that needs sorting out. So I am making a To Do List. If you've read my very first post, you'll know that I'm aiming to document things related to the move, marriage etc., so I'm sharing my To Do List. Hopefully it'll be a handy reference for people considering to move to Copenhagen in the future. There are loads of websites with what to do in terms of bank accounts, CPR number etc but all the bitty things beforehand I think could quite easily be overlooked in terms of the prep. So here we go.

1. Sort out clothes/towels/bed linen
I have loads of clothes. In a box under the bed, in the wardrobe, in bags at my mum's place ... too many. I need to be ruthless, which will be difficult for a natural hoarder like myself.

2. Find a shipping company
I have no idea what I'm doing in this regard. I'm always wary of anyone I find on Google as I have no idea whether I'll be able to trust them (yes, I'm paranoid). So I need to ask my expat friends scattered around Europe and UAE for their recommendations. I'll of course post who I used, complete with review.

3. Call the 'officials'
By this I mean companies like Inland Revenue, DSS, pension companies, DVLA, my bank etc etc.

4. Sort out DVDs, books, CDs
See clothes

5. Serve notice to my landlord
Sounds like a really obvious point but I have it on my list as it's pretty damn vital.

6. Sell and/or give away furniture
I don't have that much as our flat was furnished but what I do have needs to be out of the flat by 20th October.

Other stuff we've taken care of already - booked the coach tickets to the airport, booked the plane tickets and checked our respective apartment contracts to make sure that we're not breaching agreements.

It's also worth mentioning at this point that there's no point me applying for a bank account or CPR number in Copenhagen right now - it won't save me any time so there's little point worrying about that before I move.

So, yeah, it's all good fun - planning a wedding and a move abroad at the same time is pretty epic ...